My readers will recognize my response as an excerpt from one of my blogs.  This is my response to this article in the Huffington Post.

Dear Galia, I applaud your effort!   I wish I’d been influenced by someone like  you when I was a young girl just beginning to get assaulted by  unrealistic expectations of what my body should look like despite what  my body was able to do. Despite my abilities, I too often heard the  phrase, “You’d be great if you lost __# of pounds. I have scoured every  corner of my mind, looking for one scenario when I actually asked  someone, “What do you think would make me great?”  I came up with Zilch,  Zippo, None! And yet my mind is filled with anecdotes and events in  which I advised, “You’d be great if you lost ___# of pounds.” I heard  this from Miss Peterson, in Junior High School when I tried out for the  Booster Squad.  My jumps were perfect, my splits dead on; and my voice?  Booming, loud, and projecting. I had spirit, I had agility, I had fat. I  didn’t make the team… “You’d be great if you lost….”  I’ve since spent  my career addressing these early influences. Perhaps if I had the type  of peer support you are providing for young girls I would have  confidently looked Miss Peterson straight in her eyes and said, “The  only reason you don’t want me on this squad is because you don’t like  the way I look in the uniform, it has nothing to do with my ability to  execute the moves.” Warmly, Dr. Deah Schwartz, leftoverstogo.com.

Thanks to Marilyn Wann for sending me this article, here is the response we sent in:

This article illustrates how challenging and complex the fields of eating disorders and body image are. What is frequently omitted in these types of articles is that a person in today’s society is not just battling weight and possible disordered eating patterns, but the concurrent addiction to being thin enough to please the eyes of society. The quote I found intriguing from the article was, “it’s an interesting thing to be both a person who assists others with weight loss while battling weight demons of your own.”  A registered nutritionist’s treatment objectives frequently do NOT focus on weight loss, but on healthy eating.  An individualized treatment plan, means just that.  Each plan is designed for the needs of the patient.  But the cruelty and rigid demands of our culture to be a size 4-6 as an acceptable size often eclipses the goal of establishing and maintaining an individualized healthy lifestyle. This narrow measurement of success results in extreme yo yo dieting as a person has difficulty accepting that what they look like while following healthy menus and activity levels does not coincide with what they are told they should and  will look like. Blame is placed on the person by implying that if they could only slay the food demon that is controlling their actions they will be beautiful, healthy and successful.  Until the demons of size discrimination and skinny tyranny are exorcised from our culture, RD’s and therapists, like myself, will be challenged to find ways to steer our patients/clients onto the road of self-acceptance and health as a way of life and not just temporary fixes that allow them to visit the world of thinness once in a while. Dr. Deah Schwartz, Co-Author: Leftovers, The Ups and Downs of a Compulsive Eater.

…not that I remember ever asking anyone, “What would make me great?”

I have scoured every corner of my mind, looking for one scenario when I actually asked someone, “What do you think would make me great?”  I came up with Zilch, Zippo, None!

And yet my mind is also filled with anecdotes and events in which I am being told, point blank, “You’d be great if you lost _______# of pounds.”

I heard this from Miss Peterson, in Junior High School when I tried out for the Booster Squad.  My jumps were perfect, my splits dead on; and my voice? Booming, loud, projecting without mechanical amplification.  I had spirit, I had physical flexibility, I had fat.

I didn’t make the team… “You’d be great if you lost….” 

I was riding a horse. Galloping around the corral, red hair flying, merged with the horse…you get the picture.  Pick a cliché, any cliché you can think of that includes a happy freckled faced, red-headed tom boy and insert that image here.  I was free, I was flying, no really, suddenly I was flying through the air…I was flat…on my back.

I went to the doctor and was told that I was healthy and after some time my back would be fine because I was strong, but… “You’d be great if you lost…”  “And the horse would appreciate it also.”  I was stunned, hurt and never rode a horse again out of guilt that I might be too oppressive a presence on the saddle.

Sexual Content Warning

But the worst examples of  being offered the unsolicited key to greatness, the ones that cut me to my core and made me feel not just not great, but hideous and repulsive, happened after what I felt were mutually enjoyable sexual experiences.  I was happy, full of life and confidence. 

I had spirit, I had physical flexibility, I had “skills”…

“You’d be great if you lost…”

I had been had.

Funny it wasn’t a problem a few minutes earlier when I was being grabbed in the throes of released passion.  But that was then, this was now, and now for some reason was, “You‘d be great if you lost…”

It’s difficult for me to remember being the person unable to reply to the lover, “It didn’t seem to be a problem five minutes ago.”  Or to the doctor, “My weight has nothing to do with the reason I am here.”

It has taken time, work, attention, laughter, and support to arrive at the place where I am now. The process resulted in: co-authoring the book, Leftovers To Go, designed to help others make the transition, no longer apologizing for who I am or colluding with others’ judgments.

I can confidently say that if I was the person then that I am now I would have looked at Miss Peterson straight in the eye and said, “The only reason you don’t want me on this squad is because you don’t like the way I look in the uniform, it has nothing to do with my ability to execute the moves.”

Or looked at the lover and said, “You’d be great if you’d shut the f*&# up.”

Well, maybe nothing quite that confrontational.  I really avoid conflicts and prefer peaceful interactions.  More realistically I see myself being able to say a simple reply of, “Who asked you?”

It is without a doubt a change for the great.

If you enjoyed this post, you may want to subscribe to Dr. Deah’s Blog or buy our DVD/Workbook!

Woo Hoo

Dr. Satinsky brings the HAES (sm) Message to S.I.University!

http://thisweekincas.com/2011/04/04/satinsky-brings-%E2%80%9Chealth-at-every-size%E2%80%9D-to-siue/

I recently read a short piece in the Huffington Post that asked the question, “Is the new obsession with ‘fat shows’ helping or hurting?”   The title grabbed my attention because I co-authored a “fat show.”

Our Fat Show

FANTASY:  This article is about all of the people buying our DVD, Leftovers, the Ups and Downs of a Compulsive Eater and how much it is helping them learn to love who they are and get off of the Diet Merry-Go-Round!
Of course that is not what the question was referring to.  It was referring to shows like The Biggest Loser and others in that genre. I shrugged off my imaginary afterglow and answered the question.

Queen For A Day

FACT:  Some people enjoy watching other people suffer. In Ancient Rome, Gladiators murdered each other and the spectators cheered! In the Golden Age of television shows like Queen for a Day, asked the audience to vote on which contestant’s life was most lamentable and the winner (or biggest loser in that case) won an appliance.

And now we live in a time where the proliferation of Extreme Weight Loss Shows is comparable to the infamous mushrooming of Starbucks Coffee Shops.  The popularity of these shows is nothing new and certainly not surprising.  People are glued to their screens, in the privacy of their homes, watching the side show at the circus.  Some watch with disgust, some with arrogant superiority others with morbid curiosity. The people who touch my heart the most are the ones who watch with envy.  The people who wish they could be chosen for the magic transformation that will make them thin, enviable, and “good” in people’s eyes.  These people get hooked in despite the…

FACT:  Research clearly demonstrates that diets do not work and quick fixes of boot camp interventions don’t last.

FACT:  This counter message isn’t being equally publicized via social media/networking and television.

OPINION:  This is deplorable and unfortunate.

In today’s world of social media, social networking and television, our culture is re-defining boundaries for acceptable voyeurism and exhibitionism.  It is too late to turn back the clock and I’m not sure I would want to. People connecting with each other can be a wonderful way to build community and support. The channels available to express our opinions and share facts are also proliferating.  Frankly, I am growing quite fond of the luxury of being able to give and receive immediate feedback.  The down side of course is that the power of television and social networking can also be used to create hurtful factions and perpetuate misinformation. The Extreme Weight Loss Shows are prime examples of this.

WISH:  If we could use television to educate instead of humiliate and promote acceptance instead of bias that would be a worthwhile use of the airwaves.

FACT:  I would watch those kinds of shows.

Freedom is a vast and complicated subject.  The whole issue of who has the right to do what is fodder for lifetimes of conversations and debates.  All too often we resort to a quick catch phrase of, “It’s his business he can do what he wants,” or, “she owns the store so it’s her choice,” and of course the old standby, “It’s a free country.”

So…if a woman applies to work at Hooters(tm), she knows when she applies for the job that there will be premiums placed on her breasts and body as pre-requisites for the job.  She goes in… eyes open… knowing that the HR department is not that interested in her problem solving skills or management aspirations.  She is being hired for her body.   If she can wear heels, balance her tray, and get the orders correct,(which I’m certain most of the women can do) …that’s a bonus.

But this is NOT a conversation about whether having restaurants based on and named after a euphemism for woman’s breasts is ok or not.  It IS a conversation about choice and freedom.

Recently, a casino in Atlanta changed hands and the new owners decided to change the uniforms for their cocktail waitresses.  According to a recent article by Teresa Masterson, The Resorts Casino Hotel in Atlantic City decided that in order to attract a younger clientele they would have to change the outfits required to be worn by the female staff.  The new owners of the hotel, provided the skimpy new uniforms and required all of the existing cocktail waitresses to try them on.

The result was the firing of 16 middle-aged, long-time employees because they didn’t fit into the size 2 or size 4 options being offered by the management.

The women reported that the process was humiliating and they had really wanted to continue working at their jobs.  The official statement given by the hotel management as reported by Ms Masterson was, “All cocktail servers were given individual consideration and the selection process was conducted in a fair and objective manner.”

There is nothing fair or objective about providing only size 2 and 4 uniforms as options to maintain ones’ job.  The fact that we still use cocktail waitresses in skimpy outfits to seduce men to drink more than their fill is a bit disappointing.  It is after all 2011 and this is an OLD Feminist Issue….

but the fact that a woman who is a size 6 is now facing the reality that she is too fat to keep her job…that just infuriates me.

Discrimination of any kind infuriates me but as a woman living in a culture where the pressure to be thin is producing more and more girls and women with disordered eating patterns, this situation is particularly egregious.  What do you think?

Are you tired of going to check your email and being forced to watch cartoon women in front of mirrors puff up and slim down selling you a pill to make you “perfect”?  Are you tired of feeling like a failure because you didn’t lose that 10/20/50 pounds you had promised yourself you would before your next birthday.  For women, body image issues and relationship to food are complicated and filled with shame.  And, very honestly, the food is not the problem.

I am offering  an innovative way to explore your relationship to food and your body.  I am inviting you to join a group experience (size limited) that will utilize the Expressive Arts Techniques that were used in developing the award  winning show “Leftovers…the Ups and Downs of a Compulsive Eater” along with other proven  therapeutic techniques. I invite you to view the trailer on our website — leftoverstogo.com We will view the original theater piece on DVD as a catalyst to explore the issues of compulsive eating or any disordered eating style.  We will use drama, writing, art therapy, group process and large doses of humor to engage in an honest discussion of these issues.

In my 30+ years of experience with this issue I have found that the most effective tool is the act of breaking the silence of these painful issues with others. This group is open to anyone who has the desire to try something different in their relationship to food and body image.  In a circle of women we will work together to move toward more insight, self-acceptance and have a great time doing it.  This is NOT a weight loss program.

NEW GROUP STARTING…  ..April 26

WHEN: Tuesdays…….1:30-3:30..** There is a nine week commitment**

WHERE: Creative Juices Arts Studio, Lake Merritt District in Oakland

COST…..$360 for the series…. $330 If you sign up before April 20

Anne C Wilford M.A. MFT has been leading workshops for over 30 years.  She is a licensed Psychotherapist (MFT#32496) with over 19 years in private practice in Berkeley.  Anne works with individuals, couples and groups.  Along with Dr. Deah Schwartz, she is a  co partner of Education Through Therapeutic Arts (ETTA) and co-author of the Leftovers Workbook/DVD SET.  She has extensive teaching credentials including 16 years as an instructor with Gerry Grossman Seminars.

If you are an MFT or LCSW looking for personal growth opportunities this workshop is valid for Continuing Education Units (CEU provider #PCE3225)

The National Popular Culture and American Culture Associations Joint Conference is taking place in San Antonio, Texas from April 20-23, 2011.  Leftovers To Go is proud to be among a group of highly esteemed members of the Fat Studies and ASDAH Communities presenting at this conference. For a full list of presenters and program details, please visit:  http://www.pcaaca.org/conference/2011program.pdf Of course any orders for the Leftovers To Go DVD/Workbook Set placed at the conference will be offered at a discount of 20%.

We hope to see Y’all there!

“Self-care and Social Change” is a FREE workshop offered by RN, David Spero.  It will be held on consecutive Wednesday evenings, 6:00 PM – 7:30 from April 13 – May 11, at the taqueria, Casa Sanchez, 2778 24th Street, between York and Hampshire Streets in San Francisco. For more info:  Contact:  David at Nurse@davidsperorn.com
Remember to check back in with us at Leftovers To Go and let us know what you learned!